Mafia
by Masta of da House
Summary: Someone's the killer, someone's the detective and someone's the medic. But when you play the game of Mafia, remember not to take it too far... Will everyone discover who the mafia is, or will it be too late? My most hilarious fanfic yet. Trust me.
1. The Game

One day, whilst at a party, several of the Naruto ninja decided they would play a game to pass the time…

Ino: I suggest we play spin the bottle.

Shikamaru: You just wanna kiss Sasuke, don't you?

Ino: Shut up.

Sasuke: As long as it's not truth or dare.

Naruto: How about we eat ramen?

Sasuke: That's not a game you idiot.

Naruto: But it is fun.

Shikamaru: How about we play Mafia?

Neji: Alright! I get to be God, Okay.

So the game began.

Neji: If I tap you once, you're the Mafia. If I tap you twice, you're the Detective. And if I tap you thrice, you're the Medic.

Neji tapped Temari once, Naruto twice and Sakura thrice.

Neji: Alright, everyone still has their eyes closed, right? It was a peaceful night in Konohagakure village, but nobody knew what dangers lurked, waiting for them…Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Neji: Okay, who do you want to kill?

Temari pointed to Ino.

Neji: 'Kay. Now go back to sleep. Detective, wake up.

Naruto woke up.

Neji: Who do you think is the killer?

Naruto:I think Sasuke is the killer, believe it!

Neji: No, you don't talk, moron! Whatever, go back to sleep. Medic, wake up!

Sakura woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to heal?

Sakura pointed immediately to Sasuke.

Neji: Now go back to sleep. Everyone wake up!

Everybody woke up, except for Shikamaru, who had taken a nap during the game. Ino smacks him and he wakes up.

Neji: Okay, everyone. The citizens of Konohagakure awoke the next morning to discover that Ino Yamanaka had been found dead. She had had her throat cut open and bled to death. We later ground her up and made her into a meat pie.

Choji: I knew something was wrong with those meat pies.

Kankuro: Oh, Gawd.

Kankuro runs to the bathroom to puke.

Neji: Sasuke Uchiha was accused of the murder. What's your alibi, Sasuke?

Ino: Sasuke-kun, you'd never do that to me, right?

Sasuke: I was plotting my revengeance, can I go now?

Neji: Everyone who thinks he's innocent, raise their hand.

The majority raise their hands.

Neji: 'Kay, you're free. Now everybody go to sleep.

Gaara: But I'm an insomniac.

Neji: Go to sleep, Gaara.

Gaara: Don't tell me what to do.

Rock Lee: You better not mess with him, he'll kill you.

Neji: Yeah right, I am no failure. I will not-

Gaara: Desert Coffin!

Neji: GAHHHH!

Neji died quickly and painlessly (Okay, maybe not so painlessly) as Kankuro returned from barfing up the meat pies.

Kankuro: Hey guys, what did I miss?

TenTen: It was horrible, horrible…He killed Neji!

Neji: I'm not dead.

TenTen: He was so young.

Neji: I'm getting better.

TenTen: I never even got to tell him how I feel.

TenTen began to cry as a man came out with a cart.

Man: Bring out yer dead!

Lee: Here's one!

Neji: I'm not dead!

Neji fought off the man with the cart and they all continued their game.


	2. The Konoha Chainsaw Massacre

Neji: As the whole village of Konohagakure fell asleep, the mafia awoke with evil intentions…Mafia, wake up

Temari woke up.

Mafia, who do you want to kill?

Temari points to Kiba.

Neji: Okay, now go back to sleep. Detective, wake up.

Naruto woke up.

Neji: Who do you think the mafia is?

Naruto pointed to himself.

Neji: No, you can't choose yourself, dammit!

Shikamaru: Actually, I think you can, it's a really good strategy if you don't want the mafia to kill you.

Naruto:Really?

Shikamaru: Wait, you actually thought you were…you know what, I'm not even going to bother.

Neji: Yeah, and you're supposed to be asleep. Okay, Detective, who do you think the mafia is?

Naruto pointed to Gaara.

Neji: Okay, now go back to sleep. Medic, wake up.

Sakura woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to heal?

Sakura pointed immediately to Sasuke.

Neji: Okay, now go back to sleep. Everybody wake up.

Everybody woke up.

Neji: Unfortunately, last night, there was a brutal murder. As Kiba was taking Akamaru for a walk down a foreboding dark alley, like he did every night, he was murdered. A figure with what appeared to be a chainsaw stepped out from behind a dumpster, powered up the chainsaw, and chopped Kiba up into little bite-size bits. Blood flew everywhere and…

Choji: Please stop. I'm losing my appetite.

Shikamaru: Yeah really, to your murders always have to be so graphic?

Neji: Yes, Yes they do.

Gaara: I kind of like it.

Neji: I wouldn't be talking, you were accused of Kiba's murder. What's your alibi?

Gaara: I kill with sand.

Neji: And?

Gaara: The killer used a chainsaw.

Neji: Good point. You know, our detective really sucks. We should've gotten L or something.

Hinata raised her hand.

Hinata: I-I have a question.

Neji: Yes?

Hinata: Well…uh…I was wondering…um…Did Akamaru die?

Neji: Good question, Hinata. Does anybody know the rules about that? Shikamaru?

Shikamaru: Not getting involved.

Neji: Then I'll decide. No, Akamaru did not die.

Hinata: Then can we ask him.

Neji: No. But I think it's obvious that Gaara is innocent.

Kankuro: That sounded so weird. Say that again.

Neji: Gaara is innocent.

Kankuro: Again.

Neji: Gaara is innocent.

Kankuro:Dude that is so freaky.

Neji: Shut up. Everyone go to sleep.

Everyone closed their eyes.

Neji: Alright, Mafia, wake up.

Temari, woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to kill?

Temari pointed to Neji.

Neji: What, you can't kill me. I'm God!

Temari pointed to Naruto.

Neji: Alright, now go back to sleep. Detective, wake up.

Naruto woke up.

Neji: Who do want to accuse?

Naruto pointed to Shikamaru.

Neji: 'Kay. Go back to sleep now. Medic, wake up.

Sakura woke up and pointed immediately to Sasuke.

Neji: Yeah, I thought so. Go back to sleep now. Everyone wake up.

Everyone woke up.


	3. The Lynching

Neji: Last night, Naruto Uzumaki, was found dead in his home.

Naruto: What?! NO! I died?! Now I'll never get to be Hokage!

Neji: The bruises on his neck lead us to believe he was strangled. Also…

Shikamaru cleared his throat loudly.

Neji: Fine! He was just strangled, Okay! We also found out that he was an undercover detective working on the mafia case. Before he died, he wrote a name, supposedly that of the killers, in his own blood: Shikamaru

Shikamaru: How troublesome. I didn't kill him, alright. Temari, back me up.

Temari: I think you did.

Shikamaru: Well, maybe you're the mafia? Look at the victims, Ino was the first to die.

Temari: And?!

Shikamaru: Just last week, you accused me of cheating on you with her.

Temari: Dude, It's just a game. Besides, a lot of people would've wanted her dead, she's annoying.

Shikamaru: You have a point.

Neji: Shikamaru, what's you're alibi?

Shikamaru: Well, when do you expect the time of death was?

Neji: One-thirty last night, morning, whatever, one-thirty A.M.

Shikamaru: Why would I get up at one-thirty in the morning, break into Naruto's house and strangle him? That's way too early. If it were me, I would've poisoned his ramen, or better yet, I'd use my Shadow Possession technique to make him jump off a cliff; make it look like a suicide.

Everyone was staring at Shikamaru in horror and fascination.

Choji: Dude, do you spend all your time thinking up ways to kill Naruto or something? You're starting to scare me.

Shikamaru: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Supposing he was the mafia and I had to kill him.

Temari: I doubt your lazy bottom would be the one to do it.

Shikamaru: Shut up! My friends are dying, we need to do something. Look, I'm sorry I accused you of being the mafia.

Temari: Me too.

Neji: Yeah, that's really sweet, but we need to move on with the game. Wait, who's still alive? Sasuke, Sakura, Shino, Hinata, Shikamaru, Choji, Temari, Gaara, Kankuro, TenTen, Lee…that's eleven people. Okay, Everyone, go to sleep.

Everyone closed their eyes.

Neji: It was a quiet, peaceful night in Konoha, but not for long, the mafia was planning his… or her next move. A vicious attack was being planned that night. Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to kill?

Temari pointed to Sasuke.

Neji: Fine, Now go back to sleep. Medic, wake up.

Sakura woke up and pointed to Sasuke…again.

Neji: I'm getting really tired of this. Go to sleep, Medic. Okay, everyone, wake up. The mafia attempted murder again. Last night, as he was training, Sasuke Uchiha decided to take a break. He grabbed his water bottle and took a drink, but little did he know that it had been poisoned, luckily, the medic had been waiting for the mafia to attack Sasuke and was ready to help… also she was one of his fangirls, so she was right there. Just in time, she got the antidote to him and saved his life.

Ino: Oh yeah! Go Sasuke!

Sakura: Shut up, Ino-pig, You're dead, besides, I was the one who saved-

Sakura clapped her hands over her mouth.

Hinata: No! you gave away your position.

Sakura: Dammit!

Sasuke: You saved me?

Sakura: Oh? Yes! Yes I did.

Sasuke: Thanks.

Sakura blushed.

Sasuke: Hey, I still don't like you, don't forget.

Sakura: Oh….

Sasuke: Just heal yourself though, from here on out, the mafia will be after you, so don't worry about me.

Sakura: No, Sasuke, I can't leave you.

Sasuke grabbed Sakura and kissed her passionately

Sasuke: Don't worry about me Sakura, save yourself.

Sakura: Sasuke!

Sasuke: We're going to get through this.

Kiba: Dudes, It's just a game.

Sakura: Shut up, you're dead!

Neji: Alright then… do you wish to accuse anyone of being the mafia?

Kankuro: I think it's Shikamaru.

Rock Lee: Right! He doesn't like Sasuke.

Shikamaru: I said the guy annoys me, but I wouldn't try to kill him.

Hinata: If you killed Naruto, I swear I will never forgive you! Byakugan!

Shikamaru: Hey Hinata, hold on! Look, I don't wanna fight you.

Neji: People, people, calm yourselves, as your God, I will decide the proper punishment for killers, sinners and those with a murderous and impure heart. But first, a vote. Raise your hand if you think Shikamaru is the mafia.

Hinata, Sasuke, Rock Lee, Kankuro, TenTen, Shino, and Temari raised their hands.

Shikamaru: Temari, how could you?! I thought we had something!

Temari: I did too…but if you really are the Mafia…then I'm afraid I don't want to be with someone like you.

Neji: The angry, scared, and terrorized citizens of Konohagakure were now so outraged that in a desperate attempt to rid the village of the menacing mafia, they lynched Nara Shikamaru. They stoned him to death, slowly and painfully, as payment for the horrible crimes that he in fact…did not commit.

Rock Lee: What?!

Temari: Oh no, Shikamaru, I am so sorry!

Shikamaru: Yeah, it's too late now…stupid woman.


	4. Kira

Neji: Alright, everyone, enough drama! Go to sleep! Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Shikamaru: What?! It was you?!

Kiba, Ino & Naruto: Shut up, we're dead!

Neji: Mafia, who do you want to kill.

Temari pointed to Shino.

Neji: 'Kay, go back to sleep. Medic, wake up. Who do you want to heal.

Sakura pointed to herself.

Neji: 'Go back to sleep, Sakura. Okay now everybody, wake up.

Everybody woke up.

Neji: Last night, Aburame Shino was sitting at home…all alone. The entire house was dark except for the light emitted by the computer. He was on Youtube, watching funny videos when he heard the sound of the window shattering. A can of deadly insecticide was thrown through the window. He ran for the door but couldn't open it in time, and he was suffocated and or poisioned, slowly and painfully. Who do you think killed him?

Rock Lee: We know it's not Sasuke, or Sakura.

Temari: Well, it could be Sakura, considering, she killed Ino.

Hinata: I don't think she'd try to kill Sasuke.

TenTen: I think Kankuro did it.

Kankuro: What?!

TenTen: Nobody from your team has died yet.

Gaara: I think it was Hinata.

Everyone: Hinata?!

Gaara: Yeah, think about it. First, you kill Ino, right, because everyone wants her dead. Then you go after Kiba, after all, you guys spend a lot of time together, he could've accidentally discovered your identity as the mafia, so you were forced to finish him off.

Sakura: But she wouldn't have killed Naruto. Doesn't she have a huge crush on him?

Naruto: What?

Neji: It's true.

Hinata: You better shut up, Neji.

Neji: Or what?

Gaara: Or you'll be next. Now that I think about it, the mafia did try to kill Neji, but couldn't, since that was against the rules.

Rock Lee: I understand why she'd want to kill Neji but, I don't think she would kill Naruto.

Gaara: She decided if she couldn't have him noone could, and finished him off for good. Then she tried to kill Sasuke, who would've otherwise tried to avenge Naruto's death.

Kiba: For the love of God it's just a game, Hinata's not a psychopath!

Neji: Did I say you could talk? You're ruining the game for everyone else. Okay, Hinata, at the time of Shino's death, where were you?

Hinata: I-I was…I was with Sakura. We umm… were… see I was asking her why well why Naruto liked her and…

Neji: You were asking Sakura for dating advice?

Hinata blushed.

Hinata: Yes.

Neji: Well that's embarrassing. You must be really desperate.

Hinata: It doesn't matter now because Naruto's de- he's-

Hinata then began to cry.

Choji: Yeah, I don't think it's Hinata. Besides, she wouldn't kill Kiba or Shino either.

Gaara: I still don't understand why not.

Neji: Nevermind. Kankuro, what were you doing yesterday at ten-fourty-eight P.M., when Shino was murdered?

Kankuro: I was on a mission.

Neji: And what was that mission?

Kankuro: You're God, you should know.

Neji: Don't question me!

Kankuro: Okay, fine I was on an extremely dangerous top-secret mission, but I suppose since you're God, I'm allowed to tell you. Giant sand worms known as "Graboids" had begun to attack small settlements throughout the desert, so I had to go kill them before they ate everyone. I left at about seven and thought I'd be home about ten. The problem was, I ended up stuck on a rock for like, seven hours, so I couldn't have possibly killed Shino.

Neji: Alright then, doesn't that mean Gaara and Temari were there too?

Kankuro: Uhh…

Temari: I don't remember any mission.

Neji: Gaara?

Gaara: No.

Kankuro: I had to go alone, otherwise the Graboids would've heard us.

Neji: Vote! Who thinks Kankuro's the mafia?

Three hands shoot up.

Neji: Who thinks it's Hinata?

At first, Gaara is the only one raising his hand, but then Kankuro and Temari raise theirs as well, because they knew Gaara would kill them if they disagreed.

Neji: Alright, you two are safe. Everybody go to sleep.

Everybody closes heir eyes.

Neji: Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to kill?

Temari pointed to Rock Lee.

Neji: Okay. Medic, wake up.

Sakura woke up and once again pointed to Sasuke.

Neji: Wow, I never saw that one coming. Everybody wake up!

Everybody woke up.

Neji: I have some sad news. Last night, after we finished training, Rock Lee decided to do 15,000 extra laps around the training ground as the sun set. So everybody left, and Rock Lee was alone. He didn't see the figure that was hidden in the dense trees, holding a sniper rifle. The next morning, we found out that somebody had killed Rock Lee. He didn't stand a chance, since the only person the medic would heal was Sasuke. Alright, who do you think did it?

Sakura: Kira?

Neji: No it wasn't Kira, you dumbass.

Choji: Besides, Rock Lee wasn't a criminal.

TenTen: Could you please not talk with your mouth full.

Choji: Sorry.

Sakura: If it's not Kira, who killed Rock Lee?

Gaara: I still think it's Hinata.

Neji: Did anyone change their mind about Hinata being the mafia?

People shook their heads, and murmured about how Hinata would never even think about killing Naruto.

Neji: Sorry, Gaara. Innocent until proven guilty. Or in this case, until everyone thinks you're guilty.

Gaara: Damn.

Neji: Okay, everyone, go to sleep. Fear of the mafia's next attack consumed everyone as they tried to sleep that night. This mafia, was devious, cold-hearted and evil. No one knew where he or she would strike next. Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to kill?

Temari pointed to Kankuro.

Neji: Go to sleep, mafia. Medic, wake up.

Sakura woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to heal?

Sakura's first instinct was to point immediately to Sasuke, but she hesitated, and ended up pointing to Hinata instead.

Neji: Okay, go to sleep. Everyone, wake up. Konoha woke up to a seemingly peaceful morning, until Temari told us the news that her brother Kankuro…

Kankuro: Shit.

Neji: Kankuro had been found dead. He had been thrown into the river and drowned.

Gaara: darn you, Hinata.


	5. The Witch Hunt

Neji: Who do we think did it?

Gaara was about to speak.

Neji: Besides Hinata.

TenTen: I'm starting to think she's guilty.

Neji: Fine, we'll have a recount.

Hinata: TenTen, I didn't kill your boyfriend, honestly.

TenTen: But I mean, Gaara has a- Hey, ROCK LEE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!

Hinata: Oh, Well I thought…nevermind.

TenTen: Who told you Rock Lee was my boyfriend?!

Hinata: Rock Lee.

TenTen: Oh, I'm going to kill him when I see him.

Temari: To bad the mafia beat you to it.

TenTen: Maybe that was destiny then…

Neji: No! That's my word, dammit!

TenTen: Sorry, Neji.

Temari: Let's take another vote, then.

Sasuke: I think it's Temari.

Temari: What?! No, It's Hinata.

Hinata: Sasuke's got a point.

Temari: Of course you'd agree. Anyone but you, right?

Hinata: But I didn't do it.

Temari: (mocking her) But I didn't do it.

Sakura: What if she's not Temari? Remember what happened to Shikamaru?

Shikamaru: It's a game…

Temari: I am positive that Hinata did it.

Gaara: It's always the quiet ones.

Sakura: But it doesn't make any sense!

Temari: Yeah, but you're an idiot, Sakura.

Sakura: What the hell did you just say?! I'm not an-

Temari: What's 2+2?

Sakura: (thinks about it, then after awhile says) ummm… Sasuke.

Sasuke: Temari, If I were the Mafia, I'd kill you next.

Temari: There!

Sasuke: I said "if"!

Temari: Yeah, but it makes sense. If you were the mafia, you'd want Naruto out of the way, so you could have Sakura!

Sasuke: But, he's not dead, he just lost the game.

TenTen: Can we just take a vote?

(The hands go up. Besides Sakura, everyone agrees that Sasuke is the Mafia.)

Neji: Sasuke Uchiha, sence all evidence points to you, you will be hung for your crimes of murder and witchcraft against the citizens of Konohagakure.

Sasuke: Alright.

Neji: No last words?

Sasuke: Nah, I'm fine.

Neji: What about "I can't die here… Not until I get my revenge."

Sasuke: Dude, It's a freaking game. I'm still alive.

Neji: No you're not.

Sakura; NO! Sasuke!! Don't leave me!

Sakura starts to break down crying.

Neji: Those who weeps for these weeps for corruption!

Shikamaru: Isn't that from "The Crucible"

Neji: Shut up. Based on the evidence of his heinous crimes, Sasuke Uchiha was sentenced to die. But… the murders continued… Everybody, close your eyes!


	6. Awkward Turtle no Jutsu

So far, the only remaining people in Konoha were Sakura, TenTen, Gaara, Hinata, Temari and Choji.

Neji: It was a quiet, yet restless night. Everyone knew the mafia would strike again. Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Neji: Who do want to kill?

Temari pointed to Choji.

Neji: Okay. Now go back to sleep. Medic, wake up.

Sakura woke up.

Neji: Who do want to save?

Sakura pointed to Temari.

Neji: Now go back to sleep. Everyone wake up.

Everyone woke up.

Neji: Last night, crap, I'm running out of gruesome ways to kill people. Okay, Last night, Choji was killed.

Gaara: How?

Neji: Look, you're the crazy murderer, why don't you decide how he died?

Gaara: Okay. I was awake last night; I can't sleep because of Shukaku, so I saw everything. I was staring at the moon, everything was quiet, and then I saw a silhouetted figure of a woman. She was running away from Choji's house and then…

Neji: And then?

Gaara: It blew up.

Neji: Holy shit.

Gaara: That's what I said too.

Neji: Okay, who do we know who could get their hands on explosives.

Sakura: We know it's a girl. Hinata wouldn't kill Naruto. TenTen had no reason to kill Rock Lee, so they're probably innocent.

TenTen: What about Temari?

Sakura: She probably wouldn't kill Kankuro, and we can also recall how she thought Shikamaru was guilty.

Gaara: So you, then?

Hinata: B-but didn't she say she was the medic?

Temari: Then why hasn't anyone tried to kill her yet?

TenTen: Then who's the real medic?

Gaara: Honestly, who else would choose Sasuke every single time?

Temari: Sasuke.

Gaara: So Sasuke was the medic, and Sakura is the mafia.

Temari: Well, anyone could've been the medic, the only people who are out are Ino, Kiba and Naruto, because they died before Sasuke was killed.

Sakura: But didn't God say that the medic was a Sasuke fangirl.

Hinata: Actually, I think I'm the only girl in the village who isn't a rabid fangirl.

Gaara: So you're the mafia.

Temari: Shut up, Gaara.

Gaara: What did you say?

Temari: I said… "You're absolutely right." Besides, It was a full moon last night, wasn't it?

Gaara: Yes.

Temari: If it was Sakura, you would've seen the moonlight reflected off of her big ass forehead.

Hinata: Ummm… I-I think TenTen would be the only one who could get… Well- there were lot's of different murder weapons.

Neji: TenTen, where were you last night?

TenTen: Neji, you would know better than anyone else.

Neji turned bright red. It was the same blush that Hinata had whenever she was around Naruto. He cleared his throat.

Neji: Nevermind that. Who thinks TenTen is the mafia?

Hinata raised her hand, but put it down after realizing that she was the only one with her hand up.

Neji: Okay, TenTen you're free.

Gaara: Wait, I don't get it. Where were you again?

Temari: Trust me, you don't want to know.


	7. Sakura's Death

Neji: Moving on! Everybody go to sleep. It was a dark and ominous night. The mafia was about to take her next victim. Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to kill?

Temari pointed to Gaara, then changed her mind and pointed to Sakura.

Neji: Fine. Now medic, wake up.

Sakura woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to heal?

Sakura pointed to Sasuke.

Neji: No you can't heal him! He's dead!

Sakura: But I know a resurrection jutsu!

Neji: No you don't!

Sakura: Yes I do, and I wanna revive Sasuke!

Neji: Well, you can't, he's dead!

Sakura begins to cry.

Sakura: But I love him more than anything! I can't live without him! And what about our two- year-old daughter, Aiko? How am I supposed to tell her her father is dead?

Neji: You can't heal people who are already dead, Sakura. Who else do you want to heal.

Sakura points to Gaara

Neji: Seriously, I don't think he needs protection. But, whatever. Medic, go back to sleep. Everyone, wake up.

Everyone wakes up.

Neji: Last night, Sakura Haruno, the town medic, was trying in vain to use a resurrection technique to revive her lover, Sasuke Uchiha. She was close to mastering the technique when Gaara came in and told her the mafia had tried to kill him. He didn't see her face but thanks to his sand defense was unharmed. Sakura healed him anyway, because she was an idiot.

Sakura: Hey!

Neji: Shut up! Sakura didn't even see the mafia, she just heard a single gunshot, and then fell dead to the floor. Who do you think did it?

Gaara: It was Hinata, I saw it!

TenTen: But why would she kill Sakura when she thought she was innocent?

Temari: Because Sakura's the medic, dumbass.

TenTen: Good point.

Neji: Hinata-chan, where were you last night?

Hinata: I-I was so distraught over- Everyone-Everyone I've ever loved is gone and I-I was out drinking myself to oblivion.

There was a long awkward silence.

Neji: Wait! You're an alcoholic?

Temari: That's more messed up than Gaara being innocent.

Kankuro: Yeah, that was messed up.

Temari: Shut up! Why can't you die like a normal dead person who doesn't talk?

Kankuro: Because it's just a game and I'm not really dead. Neither is Naruto by the way, so I don't know why you're depressed about it.

Hinata: Hey, what if I killed you're girlfriend, how would you feel then?

Temari: Wait, you have a girlfriend?

Gaara: Yeah, she came over to our house last night. Wait a minute, where were you last night?

Temari: You couldn't possibly be accusing me, your own sister?

Meanwhile, Naruto was talking to Kankuro.

Naruto: So you have a girlfriend?

Kankuro: That I do.

Naruto: What's her name? Is she cute?

Kankuro: Her name is Nao, and yes, she's very cute.

Naruto: I wish I had a girlfriend…

Neji: Shut up! If Hinata dies you can be with her. You'll be the cutest damn couple in all Soul Society!

Naruto: Well, nothing against your cousin, she's a really sweet girl, but my heart's already set on Sakura.

Neji: Well, no one likes Sakura, she is so annoying! I think the mafia should get a medal for killing her, and you!

Kankuro: Yeah, except she's going to annoy everyone in the dead now!

Neji: Don't worry, I'll call an exorcist!

Sakura: You know I'm standing right here!

Neji: Yeah, your point?

Sakura: Well, It's really rude to-

Gaara: Silence! I kill you!

Gaara shot her a death glare.

Sakura: You can't kill me, I'm already dead.

Gaara turned to Temari

Gaara: I would Desert Coffin her right now, except she has a daughter to support.

Temari: That's only in the game. You can kill her.

Gaara turned to Sakura.

Gaara: Desert Coffin!

Sakura: GAHHHH!

And so, Sakura Haruno died and her imaginary two-year old daughter was left alone to fend for herself in the world. And from that day on, Konoha celebrated a festival on that date celebrating Gaara, the hero from the sand village who rid them of the annoying fangirl menace. But that's another story.


	8. The Trial

Neji: Alright, who thinks Hinata is the mafia?

Gaara and Temari raise their hands.

Neji: And who thinks she's innocent?

TenTEn and Hinata raise their hands.

Neji: Okay, so it's a tie.

TenTen: We could ask a judge.

Temari: Yeah, but the mafia made him into a meat pie too.

Neji: Then I'll be the judge. Hinata, you claim to be a depressed emo alcoholic due to the death of your love Naruto And that you were drinking yourself to bliss, but you seem to have forgotten a very important point. Aren't you a little too young to be an alcoholic?

Hinata: Didn't stop Lee.

Neji: Good point.

Temari: I have a question.

Neji: Yes?

Temari: Gaara saw you murder Sakura, do you have a good explaination for that?

Hinata: The art of transformation. For all we know _Gaara _could be the mafia.

Neji: We can't go on anything we see. Does anyone know what the motie would've been.

Gaara: Motive?

Temari: Well, Naruto always liked Sakura more.

Neji: Then she would've killed Sakura first, not Naruto.

Gaara: Excuse me, what's a motive?

TenTen: A motive is a reason why you kill someone, self-defense, revengeance, they cheated on you, they wouldn't stop popping their bubblegum…

Gaara: You need a reason to kill someone?

Neji: Yeah.

Gaara: When the hell did that happen?

Hinata: I didn't kill Sakura.

Neji: Yeah, I know. Gaara did. We're asking if you're the mafia.

Temari: Listen, her motive for killing Sakura was probably because she was the medic. It was one thing to keep her alive at first, but now she's got a better chance of healing people and elimating possible mafias.

Neji: Gaara, tell us what you saw.

Gaara: Hinata tried to kill me, but instead killed Sakura.

Hinata: I didn't!

Neji: I don't know if I can believe you.

Hinata: Please Neji, we're family.

Neji: Yes, but, you're from the Main branch and therefore suck. Guilty!

Hinata: You're God, you've been watching this whole time, you know I'm innocent. I hate you! You know I'm not guilty.

Neji: My job is to administer justice fairly, regardless on whether or not the defendant is guilty! Plus, I don't have to make up so many murder stories now. We're going to give you a lethal injection now.

Hinata: BULLSHIT! THIS IS JUST REVENGEANCE FOR THE WHOLE MAIN BRANCH THING, ISN'T IT? DAMN YOU NEJI! I WILL BE AVENGED!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!

Naruto: Wow, Hinata just rose her voice, _and_ she swore.

Neji: So we gave Hinata a lethal injection, even though she was innocent.

Hinata: I F***ING HATE YOU NEJI!


	9. Getting Away with Murder

The game went on.

Neji: Alright, everyone who's left, close your eyes.

Everyone closed their eyes.

Neji: Mafia, wake up.

Temari woke up.

Neji: Who do you want to kill.

Temari pointed to TenTen.

Neji: I hate you. Alright, Mafia, go to sleep. Everyone wake up.

Everyone woke up.

Neji: Last night TenTen was spending the night at my house and-

Temari: God, TenTen, you are such a whore!

TenTen: Shut up! The only reason I was spending the night with Neji was because I feel safer with him around.

Neji: Sadly, I couldn't protect her.

TenTen: What?! What about your divine powers?

Temari: You can't use divine intervention to save people, only the medic can do that.

Neji looked at the pile of blood and sand that was once Sakura.

Neji: We seem to be short a medic right now.

Temari: It's still cheating.

Neji: Sadly, my godly powers were weakened by Orb of Aldur.

Gaara: What the hell?!?!?

Neji: It is a rock that is blue and has the power to destroy gods.

Gaara: Gimme!

Neji: No. My rock!

Gaara glared at Neji, who cringed but continues his story.

Neji: Due to my weakened state, TenTen was defeated the exact same way as she was in the Chuunin exams. And I mean the _exact _same way with the _exact_ same moves as _TEMARI_ used to defeat her.

Temari: Hey, that's a little too much infor-

Neji: I'm avenging my girlfriends death by cheating. So using the same awesome wind hurricane of death moves that Temari has, the mafia killed TenTen.

Gaara: So it was you! I can't believe my own sister would be such a ruthless killer!

Gaara glared at her.

Gaara: I'm so proud of you nee-san, we're so alike! C'mon, let's go murder all your ex-boyfriends!

Temari: Actually, that doesn't sound like half a bad idea.

Shikamaru: Crap, I'm getting out of here.

And for the first time in his life, Shikamaru ran like hell. After that, there was an awkward silence

Neji: That was probably the strangest game of Mafia I've ever played.

Naruto: Hey, Hinata, do you really love me?

Hinata: Ummm…

Hinata turned a bright cherry red.

Naruto: Well, I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime.

Hinata: Really?

Neji: No.

Naruto: But you said-

Neji: NO!!!

Hinata: SHUT THE F*** UP NEJI!!!

She turned to Naruto and smiled.

Hinata: I'd love to.


End file.
